Junk ola

This really is a junkola day for me. I feel like crap. My bf has crap coming down at his job and transferring it back. It's like his job would be better if,??? If I cleaned the house better, if I kept my room straighter, if I didn't spend so much time on my computer, ect....

So I have all my own crap along with his. If I voice my feelings his words are something to the effect that I'm delusional. We have company coming (his friends) this week-end so I had planned to make the house nice but I really hate to have him demand it of me.

I know its his way of having some kind of control over something. I just wish I didn't feel so bad all the time. I wish I could work at a job. But wish in one hand an d shit in the other and see which on fills up first. Yikes!

I think its going around. Everyone I've talked to is in a funk. Mars in retrograde? I know that it will pass. But first I might have to have a fit. Not like I used to. Nothing well get broken. No verbal assassination I can't dig out of.

I don't have the energy. I try to remember to put others first. That helps. Like I'm on a mission to be more Buddha centered. or what ever that may be called. I owe it to myself. But right now its just so much easier to sit. I have a dog park meeting tonight. The BF will have to have cold dinner. I feel guilty. Not that I am but I FEEL that way. feelings aren't reality. They are just feelings. I'm sure my bf will validate my feeling bad because he will eat the cold dinner.

Well thats enough junkola for now. I will clean to the best of my ability and whine alot. Maybe I'll call two dogs. I love to talk to her. A little sugar with the medicine.