JPG Magazine: MsB

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Angel Dog takes a snooze

I'm not really sure when I started leting dogs sleep on my furniture. One day I just noticed how cute Pete looked all curled up inthat chair so I took a picture. Seems like they have just always been there.


Its a blue day
for a blue tree
not worth ferreting out the reason
it just is
I like the blues
I where them well
such camaraderie
I have with the blues

Friday, October 27, 2006

A child said, What is the grass?
Walt Whitman
A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full
How could I answer the child?. . . .I do not know what it
is any more than he.
I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful
green stuff woven.
Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropped,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we
may see and remark, and say Whose?
Or I guess the grass is itself a child. . . .the produced babe
of the vegetation.
Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the
same, I receive them the same.
And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.
Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them;
It may be you are from old people and from women, and
from offspring taken soon out of their mother's laps,
And here you are the mother's laps.
This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.
O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues!
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths
for nothing.
I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men
and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring
taken soon out of their laps.
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
What do you think has become of the women and
They are alive and well somewhere;
The smallest sprouts show there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait
at the end to arrest it,
And ceased the moment life appeared.
All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and

Saturday, October 21, 2006

out of left field


I'm filled with joy
when the day dawns quietly
over the roof of the sky.

Life was wonderful
in winter.
But did winter make me happy?
No, I always worried
about hides for boot-soles
and for boots;
and if there'd be enough
for all of us.
Yes, I worried constantly.

Life was wonderful
in summer.
but did summer make me happy?
No, I always worried
about reindeer skins and rugs for the platform.
Yes, I worried constantly.

Life was wonderful
when you stood at your fishing-hole
on the ice.
But was I happy waiting at my fishing hole?

No, I was always worried
for my little hook,
in case it never got a bite.
Yes, I worried constantly.

Life was wonderful
when you danced in the feasting-house.
But did this make me any happeir?
No, I always worried
I'd forget my song.
Yes, I worried constantly.

Life was wonderful...
And I still feel joy
each time the day-break
whitens the dark-break
whitens the dark sky
time the sun
climbs over the roof of the sky.


Friday, October 20, 2006

more of my cactus garden

The Dalai Lama says " Children who have grown up lacking a positive atmosphere usually have more negative attitudes. This very clearly shows the basic human nature. Also, as I have mentioned, the human body appreciates peace of mind. Things that are disturbing to us have a very bad effect upon our health. This shows that the whole stucture of our health is such that it is suited to an atmosphere of human affection. Therefore , our potential for compassion is there. The only issue is whether or not we realize this and utilize it."

I think of the 18 year old girl who was stabbed 50 times by her drugged out boyfriend who then OD'ed on pills and is in a coma. Did he grow up lacking a positive atmosphere? Was he only looking for peace of mind? I think of the daugher I put up for adoption at birth and now that she was in a much more positive situation then the one I was able to provide for her. Having met her a number of years ago I know that to be a fact.

In the years of her childhood I was much to self-absorbed to being devoted to a beautiful daughter. And how lucky is that child for had I been just a little less self-absorbed I my have been deluded enough to believe I could raise my child in an atmosphere of self delusion. I had very little potential compassion. I had affection mixed up with sex. In my attempt of being a part of the big picture I had chosen the counter culture movment and ended up just being, with my predispostion toward addiction , an angry, violent, person incapable of loving or being loved.

Today I try hard to have commpassion for that boy in a comma, that robbed the little girl and her family of the chance to experience life without drugs. They say the cholla cactus shoots its stickers at people how walk by. But the truth is one actually has to reach out and touch them before they burrow into the skin. And they are aluring. They look soft and touchable. An understanding of this is nessasary and important to not get hooked. And a desire to not be hooked ; commpassion for ones self?

Friday, October 13, 2006

A bit pricckly these days

So what else but another cactus. I guess have to wait for the the frosty leaves for next year or maybe I'll search out some of last years fotos and rework them with all this new found time I have. The Doc said stay home at least until after December.

There are days when it is such a relief to not get up and I can't even imagine how I ever got anything done and then their are days that I feel soooo....???? guilty !!!! that I'm not out there busting my butt for at almighty dollar.

And now I'm among the ranks of the poor. 23 years ago when I first realized I was able to not only support myself I also had $ to spend. At first I felt ashamed that I had so much more than so many people in the world. My dear friend Crystal ( who I admired as being a socially concerned person, always working on a cause), said if you have any money left over after taxes you can donate it someware. I will help you.

Well..... I've donated a lot of time to the cause du juor but there never seems to be any money left over. And now there is just no money. ooooooo such a spoiled girl I have been. well heres the cactus of hope I hope.

Monday, October 02, 2006