JPG Magazine: MsB

Thursday, January 31, 2008

cold and windy

I just can't figure out how that bird can stand there flapping in the breeze. Breeze?? And he must have Kevlar feet wrapped in Thinsulate.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Down the Rabbit Hole

The sun is shining today, and although it is still only 32 degrees, I believe I'm going to brave the elements and take the dogs to the dog park. My mood is light today and I feel better then I have for a while.

Here is an excerpt from my writing class.
A 20 minute free writing exercise.

L.A., the land of the preternatural sunset, always invigorated the girl at that particular time of the day. The evening cool and the smog was no longer visually slathering the sky in a grey-yellow chalky smear. The time was ripening up like an old bushel of apples, the aromatic, excitement of good turning bad. Bad, certainly was in the eye of the beholder, a judgment call of right and wrong. How would those apple seeds ever sprout new trees laden with succulent fruit, if the rotting ceased to be.

The girl rolled out of bed onto the shaggy carpet and stretched her naked cat like body, sleep slowly crumbled from her eyes. Her head felt like the whole marching band was still playing feverishly in the confines of her cranium. Such was the result of way to many Harvey Wall Bangers the night before. The cure was moments away in the little vial in her purse. Maybe, if the fuzzy haired Italian that slept with her every night had not found it first. He wasn’t much for sharing.

As she scattered the contents of her purse on the floor, wiggling the toes in the shag, the contents of the vial twinkled out of the bottom of the Coach bag. The joy of the find set up euphoria and relief that erupted in every cell of her body. Her head rolled slightly to the side and drool formed in the corners of her pouty tender lips. Somewhere a saxophone played a mournful Charlie Parker tune, inspiring her self inflicted angst.

I am a slow typist!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Writing, writing and more writing

I started an online creative writing class today givin though the local community college. I out age them by 30 years. It's gonna be interesting. but I do like the on line presentation. I really like laying in bed and doing my assignments. There are days I just can't muster up what it takes to get dressed and act like I'm fine. Today was one of those days.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Pete puts his foot down...

....and demands dinner.

I asked Great Spirit to take away my habit.
Great Spirit said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked Great Spirit to make my handicapped child whole.
Great Spirit said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary

I asked Great Spirit to grant me patience.
Great Spirit said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked Great Spirit to give me happiness.
Great Spirit said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked Great Spirit to spare me pain.
Great Spirit said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked Great Spirit to make my spirit grow.
Great Spirit said, No.
You must grow on your own!
But I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked Great Spirit for all things that I might enjoy life.
Great Spirit said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask Great Spirit to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves
Great Spirit said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.


May Great Spirit Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but to one
person you just might be the world"

Monday, January 21, 2008

Just little ole me in 1971

Luci Blu and I are curled up on my bed, listening to some vaguely familiar violin concerto. As I read the blogs I am transported to other places and other times. I am especially intrigued by the LA stories. They send me back in time too a place....

...when I was really thinking I had life by the tail. After all the insanity that had transpired in Denver, circa 1970, I headed out to California. with my best g-friend, Silver. We tossed a coin-NYC or LA. It 10 degrees in NYC that day, same as Denver. And it was balmy in LA. They had just had a big earth quake and for us, earthquakes sounded so exotic, adventurous, something to behold.

So off we went with our well practiced thumbs in tow and a few changes of cloths, our best hippy shit. We had friends there. They had been in Denver last year stirring up many prankster adventures that quite tickled our fancy. They told us stories of the Strip, the Whiskey, the pacific ocean, Pandora's box, riots, luv -ins.....We were captives of our vivid imaginations.

We would head south first and catch the better weather. By the time we hit Raton Pass a blizzard had stopped us in our tracks. We were stranded in a Mom and Pops taco shop, along with 6 other stranded travelers who, I might add, had been there camping on the floor for a few days, due to the inclement weather. They had been all put to work for their room and board, cleaning the place spic and span. Cleaning, dear readers, was not Silver and my forté.

Just about that time a big brougham Cadillac with Mexican plates pulled in. The two Vaquero's driving were long tall talking about that Caddy. No pinchi snow storm would stop them even for a minute. Mexico City was their home and they had been away far to long. they certainly could extend the hospitaliy of the caddy to a couple off lovely ladies such as Silver and I.

By the time we got to Santa Fe it was dinner time and Mariachi time and then, of course bedtime. As we were always up for an adventure we would worry about the bedtime thing later. We had plenty of tricks up our sleeves. And what a wild wonderful time we had. These two loco boys from Mexico really new how to party. And I, the sheltered girl from Podunk, USA was absolutely taken with the cultural diversity, not to mention the tequila.

And as the evening wore on and that sticky subject of sleep started to hang thick in the air, the question was posed. We were lucky chickie's that evening. Even though we were as far from ladies as two young girls could be, we weren't ready for an amorous tryst with these much older men. And again luck would be on us and the two men turned out to be real gentlemen and got us a room of our own and a ride the next day to Albuquerque where we would part ways. We did consider heading to MC with them but we figured not knowing the language might be a hindrance to our ability to have fun.

It was cold in Albuquerque, our poor little thumbs were about to crack. And then a shiny white vehicle pulled over and hmmmm , what did they say? Get in? They were a couple of guys from Cuba??? and as we didn't speak the language and they had a rather sketchy handle on our lanuage, much was missed. but it was a ride. LA is a word we all understood. We were heading to Hollywood where our friends lived and they were going to Long Beach. I tryed to see how that looked on the map. Unfortunately the map was in my head. And my head was hung over.

We ended up in Bell Gardens, somewhere in South Central Los Angeles at a gas station at 3 a.m. We tryed to figure out how we could get out of these seemingly unsafe neighborhood. Found a map on the gas station wall. Geezz... the attendant was nothing but negative, thought we were nuts. A truck pulled in and he was going to the loading docks in downtown LA. He said he could get a load going our way and drop us off. So may hours later, we were dropped off at our friends house by Gardner and Santa Monica. What a sight we were, frazzled and quite askew, Climbing out off a Peterbilt. Style'n baby, Styl'n.

And so begins eight years off the wildest, craziest, years of my life. I still have many fond memories of those years. Or maybe it is just euphoric recall. But every time I've been back I always leave longing to stay. But other adventures have always taken priority. They say you can never go back. I wouldn't know because I never have, accept as a tourist.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Found on Madame Yu See's Blog

It's the latest, greatest, blog-friend game, spreading through the Blogosphere to a blog near you:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle. (Betcha' didn't think someone my age even HAD an iPod, did you!)

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

Questions start below the line.

Close to Heaven Vivian Khor Paradise

Spiritus Lenis/ Gentle Breath Riyliy Lee Music for Zen meditation

Give it Away Red Hot Chili Peppers

Peer Gynt Suite Grieg

Master of Disaster John Hiatt

Howl’n down the Cumberland John Hiatt

The Coat is always on Cat Power

I Missed the Point Neco Case

The Great Prince of Peace and Universal Compassion Nawang Khegong

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Words Lucinda Williams

Faith Shawn Mullins

Walking the shining earth R. Carlos Nikai & William Eaton

A Daily Prayer and Practice of the Dalai Lama Nawang Khechog

The Guests Laurie Anderson on A tribute Leonard Cohen

Taking People Cat Power

Jingle Bells James Taylor

Concerto for Violin, Strings , and Harpsichord Vivaldi

Water and Air Cat Power

Building Healthy Lifestyles: Anna Schwatz PHD Arizona State University

Love and Happiness Mark Knopfler and Emmy Lou Harris

Symphony # 40 in G minor Mozart

Thursday, January 17, 2008

the other thing

I'm also doing a low dose of interferon to keep the hep-c at bay until a liver shows up with my name on it. about a 50/50 on that. And of course I have all the physical crapolla that comes along with it.

What are the possible side effects?

The most common side effects of PEGASYS and COPEGUS are:

  • Flu-like symptoms (including fever, chills, muscle aches, joint pain, headaches)
  • Tiredness
  • Upset stomach (like nausea, taste changes, diarrhea)
  • Blood sugar problems (may lead to diabetes)
  • Skin problems (like rash, dry or itchy skin, redness and swelling at injection site)
  • Hair loss (temporary)
  • Trouble sleeping

The most serious side effects of PEGASYS and COPEGUS are:

  • Mental health problems (such as irritability, depression, anxiety, aggressiveness, trouble with drug addiction or overdose, thoughts about suicide, suicide attempts, suicide and thoughts about homicide)
  • Blood problems (like a drop in blood cells leading to increased risk for infections, bleeding and/or heart or circulatory problems)
  • Infections (which sometimes cause death)
  • Lung problems (like trouble breathing, pneumonia)
  • Eye problems (like blurred vision, loss of vision)
  • Autoimmune problems (such as psoriasis, thyroid problems)
  • Heart problems (including chest pain and, rarely, a heart attack)
  • Liver problems (rarely, liver function worsens). Patients with both the hepatitis C virus and HIV can have an increased chance of having liver failure during PEGASYS treatment. Change in a blood test that measures liver inflammation occurs more often in patients with hepatitis B. If you have a rise in this blood test you may need to be watched more closely with additional blood tests.
Lucky me, I have most of this. but it is getting less annoying with time. Mostly I'm depressed. Antidepressants are not an option for me. some of my dear friends that remember back to days of old and my run in with the antidepressants. OOOOOOOOO.

I hate to whine, so when I'm in this self - centered mememe mode, I just don't post.

but I want people to hear about Hep-c. I want people to know that it's out there and most people don't even know they have it. 1 in 10.

Heres a link for more information and what we can do about Hepatitis C.

American Liver Foundation

Heres the deal with me on the physical plane

Cirrhosis of the Liver

The liver, the largest organ in the body, is essential in keeping the body functioning properly. It removes or neutralizes poisons from the blood, produces immune agents to control infection, and removes germs and bacteria from the blood. It makes proteins that regulate blood clotting and produces bile to help absorb fats and fat-soluble vitamins. You cannot live without a functioning liver.

In cirrhosis of the liver, scar tissue replaces normal, healthy tissue, blocking the flow of blood through the organ and preventing it from working as it should. Cirrhosis is the twelfth leading cause of death by disease, killing about 26,000 people each year. Also, the cost of cirrhosis in terms of human suffering, hospital costs, and lost productivity is high.


Cirrhosis has many causes. In the United States, chronic alcoholism and hepatitis C are the most common ones.

Chronic hepatitis C. The hepatitis C virus ranks with alcohol as a major cause of chronic liver disease and cirrhosis in the United States. Infection with this virus causes inflammation of and low grade damage to the liver that over several decades can lead to cirrhosis.

There are other causes but not in this story.

My symptoms are in red


Many people with cirrhosis have no symptoms in the early stages of the disease. However, as scar tissue replaces healthy cells, liver function starts to fail and a person may experience the following symptoms:

  • exhaustion

  • fatigue

  • loss of appetite

  • nausea

  • weakness

  • weight loss

  • abdominal pain

  • spider-like blood vessels (spider angiomas) that develop on the skin
As the disease progresses, complications may develop. In some people, these may be the first signs of the disease.

Complications of Cirrhosis

Loss of liver function affects the body in many ways. Following are the common problems, or complications, caused by cirrhosis.

Edema and ascites. When the liver loses its ability to make the protein albumin, water accumulates in the legs (edema) and abdomen (ascites).

Bruising and bleeding. When the liver slows or stops production of the proteins needed for blood clotting, a person will bruise or bleed easily. The palms of the hands may be reddish and blotchy with palmar erythema.

Jaundice. Jaundice is a yellowing of the skin and eyes that occurs when the diseased liver does not absorb enough bilirubin.

Itching. Bile products deposited in the skin may cause intense itching.

Gallstones. If cirrhosis prevents bile from reaching the gallbladder, gallstones may develop.

Toxins in the blood or brain. A damaged liver cannot remove toxins from the blood, causing them to accumulate in the blood and eventually the brain. There, toxins can dull mental functioning and cause personality changes, coma, and even death. Signs of the buildup of toxins in the brain include neglect of personal appearance, unresponsiveness, forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, or changes in sleep habits.

Sensitivity to medication. Cirrhosis slows the liver's ability to filter medications from the blood. Because the liver does not remove drugs from the blood at the usual rate, they act longer than expected and build up in the body. This causes a person to be more sensitive to medications and their side effects.

Portal hypertension. Normally, blood from the intestines and spleen is carried to the liver through the portal vein. But cirrhosis slows the normal flow of blood through the portal vein, which increases the pressure inside it. This condition is called portal hypertension.

Varices. When blood flow through the portal vein slows, blood from the intestines and spleen backs up into blood vessels in the stomach and esophagus. These blood vessels may become enlarged because they are not meant to carry this much blood. The enlarged blood vessels, called varices, have thin walls and carry high pressure, and thus are more likely to burst. If they do burst, the result is a serious bleeding problem in the upper stomach or esophagus that requires immediate medical attention.

Insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. Cirrhosis causes resistance to insulin. This hormone, produced by the pancreas, enables blood glucose to be used as energy by the cells of the body. If you have insulin resistance, your muscle, fat, and liver cells do not use insulin properly. The pancreas tries to keep up with the demand for insulin by producing more. Eventually, the pancreas cannot keep up with the body's need for insulin, and type 2 diabetes develops as excess glucose builds up in the bloodstream.

Liver cancer. Hepatocellular carcinoma, a type of liver cancer commonly caused by cirrhosis, starts in the liver tissue itself. It has a high mortality rate. (not yet but because I have a high alpha-fetoprotein number, it's probably just a matter of time).

Tumor marker

Like any elevated tumor marker, elevated AFP by itself is not diagnostic, only suggestive. Tumor markers are used primarily to monitor the result of a treatment (e.g. chemotherapy). If levels of AFP go down after treatment, the tumor is not growing. In the case of babies, after treatment AFP should go down faster than it would normally. A temporary increase in AFP immediately following chemotherapy may indicate not that the tumor is growing but rather that it is shrinking (and releasing AFP as the tumor cells die). AFP-L3, an isoform of AFP which binds Lens culinaris agglutinin, can be particularly useful in early identification of aggressive tumors associated with hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC).

Problems in other organs. Cirrhosis can cause immune system dysfunction, leading to infection. Fluid in the abdomen (ascites) may become infected with bacteria normally present in the intestines. Cirrhosis can also lead to impotence, kidney dysfunction and failure, and osteoporosis.


Liver damage from cirrhosis cannot be reversed, but treatment can stop or delay further progression and reduce complications. Treatment depends on the cause of cirrhosis and any complications a person is experiencing. For example, cirrhosis caused by alcohol abuse is treated by abstaining from alcohol. Treatment for hepatitis-related cirrhosis involves medications used to treat the different types of hepatitis, such as interferon for viral hepatitis and corticosteroids for autoimmune hepatitis. Cirrhosis caused by Wilson disease, in which copper builds up in organs, is treated with medications to remove the copper. These are just a few examples—treatment for cirrhosis resulting from other diseases depends on the underlying cause. In all cases, regardless of the cause, following a healthy diet and avoiding alcohol are essential because the body needs all the nutrients it can get, and alcohol will only lead to more liver damage. Light physical activity can help stop or delay cirrhosis as well.

Treatment will also include remedies for complications. For example, for ascites and edema, the doctor may recommend a low-sodium diet or the use of diuretics, which are drugs that remove fluid from the body. Antibiotics will be prescribed for infections, and various medications can help with itching. Protein causes toxins to form in the digestive tract, so eating less protein will help decrease the buildup of toxins in the blood and brain. The doctor may also prescribe laxatives to help absorb the toxins and remove them from the intestines.

For portal hypertension, the doctor may prescribe a blood pressure medication such as a beta-blocker. If varices bleed, the doctor may either inject them with a clotting agent or perform a so-called rubber-band ligation, which uses a special device to compress the varices and stop the bleeding.

When complications cannot be controlled or when the liver becomes so damaged from scarring that it completely stops functioning, a liver transplant is necessary. In liver transplantation surgery, a diseased liver is removed and replaced with a healthy one from an organ donor. About 80 to 90 percent of patients survive liver transplantation. Survival rates have improved over the past several years because of drugs such as cyclosporine and tacrolimus, which suppress the immune system and keep it from attacking and damaging the new liver.

Thank You Med Net

The first chakra

Chakra One:
Earth, Physical identity, oriented to self-preservation

Located at the base of the spine, this chakra forms our foundation. It represents the element earth, and is therefore related to our survival instincts, and to our sense of grounding and connection to our bodies and the physical plane. Ideally this chakra brings us health, prosperity, security, and dynamic presence.

Anodea Judith

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

moment in time

In Denver Colorado,thirty seven years ago on a blizzardy early a.m. a young girl hitchhikes to the hospital to drop a baby off. The Baby has been in her belly for eight and a half months and although nine months is recommended, this baby was not willing to stay on the womb any longer. It was hazardous and uncomfortable certainly. Who could blame this infant for wanting out.

Drug addicts are intensely self centered people. Often broken by things that karma delivered on their door step. Who could know. The mother of this child only wanted to do the right thing. Knowing, intuitively that life would not be changing any time soon, she had contacted an adoption agency, put her trust in a god she was not really sure about, and found the child a loving family to raise her up in a fashion such as children should be raised. When the mother looked into the now born infants eyes, an indescribable feeling of love took place. This mother did not feel worthy of the responsibility of such a love.

Many years passed before these two would meet again. And when they did, the mother felt a bond of kinship and love that even twenty five years apart couldn't wash away. they talked and learned of each other, it was like looking in the mirror. They promised to always stay in touch. Though marrages and divorces, birth and death these two shared hope and sorrow. Like very close people do.

But at some point the mother came to a roadblock. Who knows why. Feelings of not being enough were becoming overwhelming. And another death blew through the older womans life. She slowly withdrew, knowing it was not the right thing, but incapable of anything else. Self centered and godless as addicts often are. Maybe more so when drugs are not an option and faith far from the scene.

And then illness crept slowly, doing its dirty tricks to a not so old but yet ancient soul. The cure, elusive and treatment dubious. What would one say, " I just called to tell you I may be dieing soon, and thought I might like the dervish that I am, step one more time into your life just to leave again?

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Out of the quagmire rock album meme

I found this fun little project on Asha's blog who found it on Roy's blog.

Asha says,
"As he wrote, his turned out to be "eerily appropriate" and it seems mine did too. He got it from UV, who found it at Mini-Obs and so on. According to the inexplicable whims of fate, the name of my band is The Bounds of Sense and this is our album cover. As you can see, we are a force to be reckoned with. And who are you?"

1. The first article title on the Wikipedia Random Articles page is the name of your band.

2. The last four words of the very last quotation on the Random Quotations page is the title of your album.

3. Any appropriate picture in Flickr's Creative Commons licensed photos will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result. c'mon budding cover art designers - give it a try!

Seems to fit right in with all my way off of plum attempts at blogging found on The First Chakra these days.

Random words from random quotes as picked by the mouse.

Ever died from pleasure
it does not exist
isn't perfection but progress
to not follow your heart?

might as well fall flat
fear of not having lived
Nothing is permanent
Don't stay long

is walking distance if
feast it with bad
wrong than to do
we will get to sleep

were such a splendid
lives begin to end
as I hate peanuts
life is a chance

will get the blame
Sharing food with another
comes from squandering ourselves
come in very handy.

dale wells

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Friday, January 04, 2008

baby picture

Been away, been sleeping my life away. 2 dogs blogged for me as that was whose couch I Zonked out on. I was sure I would come back with a million pictures but mostly all I have is dreams. Makes sense. I just love her "one wrong move kind of attitude" dogs. Like the dog of my childhood. And when I wasn't sleeping we ate and partied a bit. all and all, my trip to Phoenix was a success.

sorry, no pictures. Heres an moldy oldy