JPG Magazine: MsB

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

moment in time

In Denver Colorado,thirty seven years ago on a blizzardy early a.m. a young girl hitchhikes to the hospital to drop a baby off. The Baby has been in her belly for eight and a half months and although nine months is recommended, this baby was not willing to stay on the womb any longer. It was hazardous and uncomfortable certainly. Who could blame this infant for wanting out.

Drug addicts are intensely self centered people. Often broken by things that karma delivered on their door step. Who could know. The mother of this child only wanted to do the right thing. Knowing, intuitively that life would not be changing any time soon, she had contacted an adoption agency, put her trust in a god she was not really sure about, and found the child a loving family to raise her up in a fashion such as children should be raised. When the mother looked into the now born infants eyes, an indescribable feeling of love took place. This mother did not feel worthy of the responsibility of such a love.

Many years passed before these two would meet again. And when they did, the mother felt a bond of kinship and love that even twenty five years apart couldn't wash away. they talked and learned of each other, it was like looking in the mirror. They promised to always stay in touch. Though marrages and divorces, birth and death these two shared hope and sorrow. Like very close people do.

But at some point the mother came to a roadblock. Who knows why. Feelings of not being enough were becoming overwhelming. And another death blew through the older womans life. She slowly withdrew, knowing it was not the right thing, but incapable of anything else. Self centered and godless as addicts often are. Maybe more so when drugs are not an option and faith far from the scene.

And then illness crept slowly, doing its dirty tricks to a not so old but yet ancient soul. The cure, elusive and treatment dubious. What would one say, " I just called to tell you I may be dieing soon, and thought I might like the dervish that I am, step one more time into your life just to leave again?


asha said...

Why the hell not? It's not like there is anything to lose. But a whole lot to gain. Love, after all, has its ways.

msb said...

All I had was an e-mail address and it had permanent failures. Hmmm. now when did permanent failures ever stop me in the past? :+)

Anonymous said...

My gf is adopted and found her mother when my gf was 25. Her mother backed off after awhile. Now my gf wonders about her a LOT and just wishes she would hear from her from time to time.
Love is love is love, B.

jb said...

An interesting and touching story indeed and yet so familiar. I can empathise with it all, I am that story although I am the father. My son adopted at birth whom I have not seen nor had any contact with in over 32 years and yet only last week my dearest Pixie started to do a tentative search.
Is it the illness or just a bond that can't be broken that drives us on this search......warmest regards jb x

Miz UV said...

I have a sister my mother gave up for adoption 10 years before I was born. Mom doesn't want to know her, but I'd like to someday.

My Other Blog said...

I think the daughter would want the mother to look for her again. There is a lot that needs to be said. It would ease the mother's heart to say it. The daughter may not appreciate hearing it now, but in time she will, and she will be grateful if the mother reaches out to her.

Don said...

I think she will understand.

Starbux said...

- go for it - it could be the best decision you ever made.


msb said...

well, I managed to retrieve an address.

asha said...

well, I managed to retrieve an address.

First step! Good for you.

I recently sent a postcard to the last address I had for Steve D. but it was returned. Any ideas how to get in touch with him? He keeps criss-crossing my mind, like a pacing cat.

Tab said...

wow..I need to check up on you more often girl! You have our support and please keep us posted.
I know I don't post anymore..But I try to keep in touch when I can!
Writing is coming along good :)
Authors blog coming soon!!!
You keep true to your journey MSB!
Tab xo

Lee William said...

sniff, i don't want you to ever leave ..but i'd feel even worse if you never came ..lee

msb said...

My life reads like a Greek tragedy. Really didn't seem so bad with I was there. ???

Sheria said...

My two cents worth is to lead with your heart. I think that thinking things through is highly over rated.

As for the Greek tragedy thing, those Greeks really knew how to live life with meaning. Life is messy, like a big mud puddle. You're going to get filthy but you've got splash in it any way.

Thanks for stopping by my journal. I came by to say hi. I like it here and I will be back. I like your voice.