JPG Magazine: MsB

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost
50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes almost bugged
out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my
butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door, he laughed so hard.


kimy said...

OMG....i'm busting a gut laughing....great story!!!! wish i was there but then again I wouldn't be as walmart as with starfucks is on the mouse's boycott lifelong boycott hitlist. thanks for the chuckle sweetpea!

Don said...

Laff! Did you really? I am unable to keep a straight face so this would have been quite beyond me.

msb said...


someone said...

that is so funny.

Christine said...

what a hoot! Awesome comeback!

Inmatez Wife said...

For some reason, I popped on by here this morning, finally feeling a little bit out of my depression, the aching in my heart and soul is slowly going away. I didnt read anything but this. Now, the pain is in my side, my stomach. OMG I just laughed so hard, the kids came in from outside to see what was going on. THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is just soooo funny, I will be laughing for days over this one. Thank you, I can't tell you how much this helped me. I haven't felt alive in a week, and with the laughter, I am again living.