JPG Magazine: MsB

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Who'll stop the rain



A little rain in Arizona is a good thing. makes the grass green, helps lessen the the fire danger, cools down the temperature, no static in my hair, my skin doesn't feel like parchment, makes everything smell good. So why is it I start getting depressed when a little wet weather blows thru the area?
I spent 22 years in Oregon and by the time I left I was in such an emotional funk I wasn't sure if I would survive it. I had a great support group, wonderful friends, a thriving buisness, but happeness eluded me. Of course not all was good. I had been diagnosed with Hep-C, and my husband was dying of lung cancer. when the rain would come...
Sort of an uneuphoric recall in my sub-concious feelings. The tendency is to just be depressed. Painfull, unrelenting. But when I take a closer look I can see it isn't just the rain but body recall that sends me down. I can work with at. Visualizing better times when I was younger and rain was a good thing. How that felt to be happy in the rain. Just knowing where the depression comes from helps and that it won't last forever.
Jeez, who would have thought that so much good could come with a bit of rain. A deeper relationshp with inner self that is usually buried to deep to touch. Today I can pick it apart as it surfaces, because I sick and tired of suffering. Today I have surrendered to the rain and became willing to brave the storm of emotions it evokes then trust the process that I won't, what, die? Guess it really isn't about drugs anymore.

5 comments:

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Thank you my friend for dropping by and leave comments on my blog. I really appreciate it.

Someone said, leaving a comment on someone blog is like giving a gift and I'm a man who knows how to say thank you and appreciate the gifts.

I'm sick and tired too of suffering. I'm trying to be a better man and live life to the fullest. Nearly half of my life had been spent on wasted days. That's why I blogged. I blogged to reach out to my recovey friends around the Blogosphere. I can't get it here. Here, I'm a despised and condemned man. I thank you, Barbara for being a friend. Maybe together we can make the best of life offered to us.

p/s I've included you in My Sacred Links. I hope you don't mind. I know my blog is full of ads but I'm a man who knows how to say thank you when I'm using someone's services. Is that what a sane normal human being suppose to do when someone rendered their services/help?

Meg Moran said...

oh I know that rainy day meloncholy and that depressed memory response. I'm a lot like you..I go to quiet contemplation. For too long I tried to "control my emotions", now I try to feel them. It takes courage huh? This is so important for you though and you are doing good "inner work" so you will have that strong mind body connection when you heal after your transplant. These are such miraculous times for you, I'm onboard girlfriend!

Lee William said...

makes me think of something I tell myself occasionally: water falling ..water dissolving ..water removing ..watch it flow ..and let it go ..

asha said...

Hey Barbara! Wow! Nice to connect with you again. Life sounds good for you there in Arizona, even with the impending liver transplant, which I have every reason to believe will go just fine. You look in excellent health. Yes, the Oregon rain. It is cloudy here in Nevada today and I feel a bit the same. Body memory. I know the blue sky will soon be back AND we need the rain but I always feel a bit gloomy when the clouds set in.

Thanks for the nice comment on "Then and now". I appreciate your sensibilities.

asha said...

Ps. Love the photos.

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