JPG Magazine: MsB

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Me ME me

I officially made the liver transplant list. My meld is only 11 so that gives me plenty of time to gear up for the big event. The alpha-fetoprotein does appear to be low but if that number jumps they would test for liver cancer and if liver cancer and it isn't to big, I would get a liver much sooner. Hope not though. I want to keep this liver as long as I can.

I thought I might put a picture up of a liver that looks like mine but decided to spare everyone as it probably only interesting to me. Really its a bit gross. Really its alot gross. What was I thinking. I'm glad I've gained a bit of impulse control today and I'm sure anyone how reads this is too. I must have done a bit of damage to the frontal lobes back in the day especially considering back in the day started when I was 13 long before I had a relationship with impulse control.

Today I send my life doing things to put back into life that which I had depleted. Its a work in progress and I may need many lifetimes to accomplish the ideal. Sometimes I find myself in the mist of another self serving debacle. Especially when my frontal lobes are snoozing with the "me me me" child up and running amok. Somewhere a little voice says "think it thru". The voice sounds quite reminiscent of my first sponsor.

Even this post seems a bit on the edge of to much information but who knows. The act of sharing of myself is what has kept me clean over the years. I've shared infinitely more and then this. And then there are times I just sit in quite reflection hearing the beat of the universe. Today the picture is on of rebirth. It is a little tree poking its head up where there had been a fire last year. I'm sure metaphors abound. Today is not my day to pick them out.

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