JPG Magazine: MsB

Saturday, October 03, 2009

big red paint ball

This is a night I would call my friend Micky. I feel out of wak, out of sorts. He always knew like nobody else what was up with me. I miss that and that alone sets me on edge. I don't believe I've ever felt that way about someone who died. Not even my Mother. What the fuck is up with that. So I called, text messaged, e-mailed, face booked, my spaced, ect... everyone is busy. I'd get drunk if I thought it would even remotely alleviate this feeling. this lack of being able to what, I don't know.

So I thought writing about this nonspiritual hole in my universe might help. And the ability to share this shit with someone might give it some edge of truth. Although I'm not usually so forth coming on the net theres a bit of desperation hanging around. So not that any of this makes much sense, but here it is anyway. This blog feels as about as intimate as everything else in my life. So there the dilemma is like a big red paint ball lobbed at the wall. The godlessness of lonely.

so tomorrow this will just be another one of those nights and like child birth I will barely remember how excruciating it can be. I won't even be able to identify.

7 comments:

msb said...

Girl, stop your narcissistic dribble what about that hoe
down on Van Bruin
just had Superfly kick the bejesus out of her
when all the ten dollar tricks
became a ten percent
unemployment statistic
and jacked off instead

Lucy At Home said...

Hello Msb. You just described a typical Saturday night for me. The usual entree is loneliness, with a side dish of despair and it's all granished with hopelessness.
On the + side, I am finally divorced! Read all about it.

Roy said...

Hang in, MSB. You're not alone at all.

msb said...

Thanks Roy. Better tonight :+)

asha said...

Hey, B. For what it's worth, you can always call me. I love you. Hey, remember that night years ago, about 2 or 3 am, when I called you and said basically exactly what you wrote in this post? You walked over to my house in the dead of night, came into my bedroom and gave me a big hug. I can't tell you how many times that hug has repeated in my heart and mind. It's one of my sweetest memories. So, here's huggin you. Love you. Call.

msb said...

Asha, your the best. :+)

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