Yard sale
Saturday as I have to take notes for the dog park committee. Its been 100 degrees around lately. Really zaps me.
a blog about nothing in particular.
Posted by msb at 11:23 PM 4 comments

So the end has come for the Sopranos. The day the music stopped. All week the BF and I discussed every possible ending with every possible person we know who is a Sopranos devotee. And who would have thought.
Sometimes you win and sometimes you loose. Sometimes your the windshield and sometimes your the bug. My endings in my mind were much more dramatic, exciting,less exciting, less dramatic ad infinidum. Does life imitate art? Or does art imitate life. Art imitating ART? Anticlimactic, nothing much changes. The music just stops. Does a tree make noise when it falls if no one is there to bear witness? I remember what Nancy Marchand said to AJ just before she died. "In the end we die alone and none of it matters." or something like that. Symbolism with no meaning....Was it profound or just a red herring. Maybe the answer will come in John from Cincinnati which began before the silence had died. HMMM. Leave it to HBO.
Posted by msb at 8:29 PM 2 comments
Posted by msb at 3:32 PM 2 comments

One of my many jobs I had in my life was cordinating a gleaning project through a low income grant. My gleaners were usually guys from the county jail doing restitution for drunk driving offenses. I would pick them up at the jail and haul them around from place to place to pick fruits and vegetables the growers didn't have time to deal with. Usually it was plums that if they didn't get picked they would make a big mess on the ground that the property owners didn't like cleaning up. Usually underwatered trees that produced poor quality fruit.
Once in a while we would get a great peach tree or apricot tree. Then it was fun. Hard work but fun. We would take the good fruit and vegetables to people who were low income, mostly senors. It was great when we could bring them something really tasty. Really a great job making people happy. And my fruit pickers were always happy just to get out of jail for awhile.
But poverty programs don't pay very well and I moved on to trying to make spoiled rich women happy with the way they looked. but thats another blog
Posted by msb at 8:23 PM 4 comments
To see my work clik on My Craft. It will take you to Planet 18. I'm slow and each piece is worked out until it is done. That,for me, is always a mystery, when it's done. Eventually, I will figure out how to use my paypal account from the E-Bay Sessions to fund raise my adventure before the gruelling days of interferon begin. I am going to return to my Gypsy past but with a cyber twist. Hopefully I can incorporate found objects into my pieces as Pete and I vagabond our way around. I need a good adventure and the desire to interact with days and friends of other times is strong. But I need financing. I'm willing to give a piece of myself thru my art objects in exchange for a financial donation.
Peace
Posted by msb at 11:06 AM 2 comments

It's my lucky day. My liver Dr. said I will be able to do interferon again. the first time I did it was two years ago, I had to work the whole time because I was single and had to pay cobra prices for the ordeal. I felt lucky I even could do it. I was clear of the virus after 3 months of treatment and was feeling pretty good. But my white cell count kept plummeting. They put me on a drug called neupogen that made me feel BAD. I had to take pain meds when I went to work or I never would have made it. Usually I only had to take the neupogen a couple of times a month and then only one or two shots consecutively.
But at 10 and 1/2 months I was instructed to do three shots. I got sooooo sick. Couldn't keep anything down or in. Had to crawl to the bathroom, ect... this lasted a week. And the Doctor took me off everything. And I still had no virus. After about a month I started to feel good. Really good. And at six months better then I felt in years. And I did an other test for the virus detection. IT WAS BACK. And now for the last two years it has been eating away at my liver. That Dr said I was no longer a candidate for treatment.
So I played the waiting game.. when would I need a transplant. What would be the signs. Should I enroll or something. I no longer had insurance as the company I worked for cut insurance benefits for all their massage therapists, nail tecs, hairdressers, and estheticians. I couldn't even buy insurance. I would have to marry into it:+{.
Then I met a woman who had been thru the ordeal. She told me about a Dr. in Phoenix that had a good reputation but was had to get in to see. She was a wonderful mentor in the next phase on my journey. She gave me hope. And has always been there when I'm down. Just a phone call away as she now resides in another state.
I wasn't sure I wanted to even have a transplant. I new a few people who had been down that path. Some had died. All gave the virus to their new liver and one had to have another transplant 5 years later and was working on getting a third. I questioned the integrity of that. I questioned karma. I questioned Gods will. And I questioned my new Dr. about ridding myself of the virus.
The best I thought I could do was keep this liver I was born with as long as I could and hopefully there would be a cure for hep-c by the time my liver number came up. The thing I really wanted was to do interferon at a low dose to keep the hep-c from degrading my liver any more. This is relatively new thinking in the medical world and the State Insurance I receive is not very receptive to it. But my wonderful Dr. said he can make it happen. Hooray Hooray.
But.... I'm gonna get really sick when all this starts. It will probably be at the end of July or into August before approval will happen. After that I have to be monitored weekly. Stay close to the home front. Sooo I need to figure out a way to do a road trip in the mean time. I'm working on ideas. And that dear friends is another post. I'm tired and my fingers are getting forgetful.
Posted by msb at 1:29 PM 6 comments
Posted by msb at 8:53 PM 1 comments
I went to a workshop and a woman spoke of her brush with death. As she talked about the ordeal and the many feelings she had about her situation and relationships with the people around her, I found tears running down my face. At that moment I knew something had given inside and I would not be the same after that.
Maybe it was compassion for her because I knew, or maybe it was just identification and an understanding of what was coming down the pike. All I know is it was ok. I am not alone as my fractured thinking has led me to believe. Theres power in that.
Posted by msb at 10:22 PM 4 comments
Posted by msb at 3:40 PM 4 comments
I cut this post as it was this morning because I didn't feel like it came from the right place. To all who responded with there wise words of wisdom, thank you. Maybe tomorrow I can come up with something politically charged and stir up some other aspect of my inflated ego. maybe I'll go back to visuals.
Posted by msb at 11:25 AM 4 comments
Gotta check out Two Dogs blog and witness the miracle of Mother Hood. and a wild and crazy guy although a bit squirrelly. Yuk Yuk
http://twodogsbarking.blogspot.com/2007/05/happy-mothers-day.html
Posted by msb at 6:54 PM 2 comments
This is just a crapfuck day. Nothing I can lay my finger on and squash, no reason I can find to thrash and thwart. Just inky dinky stuff to annoy me. Federal and State paperwork...They need to talk and they want me to interpret. All much to grueling to discuss... I just sent them each others paper work. Let them find there own rendition. That's why I'm making the little bucks. Cause I can't think anymore. I'm certified,bonafied and adentified as dead in the water. At least in regards to being employable.
I sure didn't think about all of this sort of thing back in the day. More like I'd live forever frozen in fun. Fame was minutes away and life was a piece o' cake, no problem. In spite of the evidence building to nigate my dillusion, I fed my novella life the magic potion of "sex, drugs, and rock & roll"-- The glory song of the sixty's. And what seems like just minutes ago has turned a new cheek. I'm old before I should be old. My lament is often not so sweet.
Some days its just all dead rot in my brain. Nothing to give and no receiver in working order. Things are changing fast for me and I can't seem to absorb the changes at full throttle. Some recollection of how it used to be continues to act as if but I keep realizing I'm really not capable of computing all the crap. Like the invasion of the body snatchers I've been snatched. Spooky. My best game today is: Pardon? I missed that. :+) And hope I don't take off screaming banshee style that I am inclined towards when I get confused. but even that is beginning to be only a memory.
The Doctors say its the ammonia in my brain from the cirrhosis(via Hep-C). I have medicine for it but its gruelling medicine. ME NO LIKE. so I didn't take it yesterday and I'm surprised by my condition??? But of course. Typical, keep thinking the results will be different. Just like that cup of coffee I drank this morning. IrRItatED me as I shake, rattle, and roll without a plan. Just got to laugh at it all. I may be the only one laughing. Screw um if they can't take a joke. Don't see anyone wanting to walk a mile in my moccasin's. But it does give me so much compassion for all the others whose life is no longer optimum. It just IS well... Life on life's terms. Oh ya, I do remember that.
So back to the sunny side. who would ever have thought I would live through all beyond 30 anyway. And have a fabulous bunch of friends to buoy me up when I'm down. Sure didn't have that back in the day. And an opportunity for a new liver. That is truly amazing. Life's great when I can just laugh at my funny self. And ever so interesting beyond anything I've ever done. From a medical perspective it sure beats the blackout blodoo I used to so indulge. Now, if I can just remember this.... :+}
Posted by msb at 2:11 PM 4 comments
Posted by msb at 10:26 AM 6 comments
Long, long ago, in a city were time never stopped, a young girl wandered the streets of w. hollywood. Her boyfriends mother had givin her the boot, the bumbs rush, asked her to leave, NOW. the boyfriend didn't say boo. His lips never moved as they had been frozen by the reefer stuck in them. To high to inhale and talk or walk or really much of anything.
But this blue shift is about the girl as she hoofs it done Santa Monia to a familar place, the park, were a cheap bottle of wine could be consumed to take the edge off the large amount of go fast that just minutes ago had been swept away in one hearty bang. As the cool brew kerplunked into the pit of her tummy, the girl started making plans for her future. Not like the future when she retired but the future of a girl livinn in the here and now. Like were would she find a place to live as in a few more months the park would be a drag.... Rain, you know.
The sun was beginning to sneak its first rays into the predernatual sky of Los Angelees in the 70's before pullution standards. (God was the sky beautiful.) and a number of places came to mind. maybe on Vine in the place above the Japanese reasurant. Or over on Gower, there was a pool there if they had cleaned it this year. Probably still green with envey of richer pools. Then a tiny wimper from the Camillia bushes jolted the girl out of her slighty woobly thinking to see what was up in the bushes.
Jeez Louise, ITs Mary Ruby passed out again. Probably all those Gorilla biscuits she was inclined to overindulge in. Mary, MARY!!! wake up you can't sleep there. The girl knew what could, would, had, happened to girls that passed out in the park and by god she wasn't gonna let that happen to Mary on her watch. She finally got her vaguely to a standing position, one arm in tight embrace around the girls neck. Tight. The other rigorously flailing about like some preacher at the pulpit.
Slowly they made there way out of the park. The girl polished off the last of the MD2020. couldn't leave that parked behind as the place has lustful eyes for the likes of a half empty bottle of rot gut. Good thing about the go fast or it would be go slow and sleep for the both of them.
Finally they got to the bus bench. And the bus arrived and the bus left. Know room for derilect chicks on his bus. What a *$X)##@ he was. No sense of humour. Whats the world coming to. Jerk!
Eventually one of LA's finest bus drivers saw the two girls plight and said no charge; even gave them a a few kind jesus saves words. Godda love those Christians. And whisked them off to Gower Gulch. When at the apartments du jour, the girl half dragged, half carried, a snoring Mary. Like drunken sailors they made their way to the lobby where the girl propped up Mary Ruby with some of the couch cushions so she wouldn't look so.... fucked up. But the snoring was a dead giveaway. Hence it was no surprise to the girl that the Vacancy sign turned to a no vacancy. At least not for trouble these two seemed to have lurking about them like their shadows.
Yikes thinks the girl, can't save Mary and Myself at the same time. What to do... What to do. A faint mewing leaks from the couch cushions. Something like Warrens something... What? What are you saying Mary. Speak up. Take you where? I was thinking maybe the nearest dumpster for a while. But know. Mary wants to go to Warrens. The other side of town. And will she remember the apartment??? in her condition. or rather the condition she was in the last time she was there? oi vay.
So this brings me to my blog of yesterday. And Warren. And dropping off Mary in a pinch...with very few options. I say that day," what a nice guy" as he took dear Mary in, in her condition, calmed her down as she was squeezing out of her stupor and into the raging wild woman she usually became when the reds wore off. I noticed he had alot of books and filed him away for another day. Now that I could return to my own melodrama at hand. As the go fast was slowing down and the hangover was arriving right on time. The LA sun was high in the sky and burning with such a vengeance and I had become the reciprocator of its wrath.
Posted by msb at 9:39 AM 4 comments
It Ain’t That Pretty, That Life of Zevon’s
By JANET MASLIN
I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD
The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon.
By Crystal Zevon.
Illustrated. 452 pp. Ecco. $26.95.
One self-imposed epitaph Warren Zevon delivered after learning he had terminal cancer was this: “It’s a damned hard way to make a living, having to die to get ’em to know you’re alive.” Like so much of what he said, wrote and sang, it was quotable, savagely funny and true.
Near the end of his life (he died at 56 on Sept. 7, 2003), doing some of his best work in the face of adversity, Mr. Zevon remained stuck in a commercial vacuum. The great promise of his sensational early albums had never brought him the wide following he deserved. So he decided to make the most of a terrible situation, advising his manager to exploit his illness in any way that might advance a soon-to-be-over career. (The manager refused. Still, there were posthumous Grammys.) And he called upon his estranged wife, Crystal Zevon, to take care of him. He also wanted her to take notes.
Ms. Zevon fulfills his wishes with “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,” a no-holds-barred oral history that captures a lovable but wildly aberrant personality, draws upon a fascinatingly diverse cast of characters and peers into the heart of the Los Angeles singer-songwriter community in its prime. The widow’s role is awkward, given her ex-husband’s gun-toting rages, heavy substance abuse, iffy parenting and unflagging ability to chase new women. She also uses an awkward format that has her writing in both the first person (as speaker) and third (as editor). And she takes for granted readers’ familiarity with the music of her lifelong companion. (This book has no index or discography.)
But her affection, candor and dogged pursuit of information make this book an unforgettable journey into the depths of Mr. Zevon’s mad genius. There is much for Ms. Zevon to balk at, but she has the temerity for this tough job. The rare thing for which she apologizes is not having tried to interview Bob Dylan, one of many stellar musicians who had a way of turning up at Zevon recording sessions, given the high regard in which fellow artists held him. “I guess I was just scared,” she says.
“I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” uses Zevon song titles like “Werewolves of London,” “Detox Mansion,” “Mr. Bad Example” and “My Dirty Life and Times” as chapter headings. It doesn’t use the one that best sums up this story: “Ain’t That Pretty at All.” The Mr. Zevon on these pages is surprisingly image-conscious, abusive, petty, jealous, sordid, vain, shopaholic and even banal; among his obsessive-compulsive tics was buying the same kind of gray T-shirt over and over again. His diary entries often focus on such things, so they are less scintillating than the literary lyrics for which he is known. Among the livelier entries is this one: “Went over to Ryan’s. Later in the evening I got stuck in the elevator — Fire Dept. had to come. Not as much fun as it sounds.”
But this lack of show-business artifice is precisely what makes the Zevon story so telling. What was even more unusual than his dark thoughts — like resenting the fact that Jackson Browne and Neil Young had lost people close to them and written beautiful, much-admired songs about those deaths — was his willingness to admit to those thoughts. On his deathbed, discussing the merits of having a funeral, he said, “I just don’t want to have to spend my last days wondering whether Henley” — Don Henley of the Eagles, who did not attend — “will show up.”
Mr. Browne is one of many mentors who tried to help Mr. Zevon, knowing that their wild-man compatriot was his own worst enemy. “My role as benefactor took its toll on our friendship,” Mr. Browne says astutely, but it was a friendship that endured to the end of Mr. Zevon’s days. Mr. Browne also points out that when he introduced Mr. Zevon to an audience as “the Ernest Hemingway of the twelve-string guitar,” Mr. Zevon said he was more like Charles Bronson. “Warren didn’t have literary pretensions,” Mr. Browne says. “He had literary muscle.”
He also had literary tastes (he was the rare rock musician who went looking for bookstores while on the road) and literary antecedents (he is aptly compared here to Dorothy Parker and, by Bruce Springsteen, to Nathanael West). And he had literary cronies, some of whom he met by showing up at their book signings. “He was more self-deprecating about his talent than we were about ours, and we genuinely stink,” Dave Barry says about the Rock Bottom Remainders, the all-author band with which Mr. Zevon sometimes played.
“I don’t think his fires were out, but I think he’d banked his fires,” says another band member, Stephen King, who knew Mr. Zevon during the singer’s middle and later years.
Most of his friends from this period had no idea of the wreckage caused by Mr. Zevon’s early alcoholism. After years of hair-raising benders (many of them described in the book), he became sober for 17 years, only to be thrown off the wagon by a diagnosis of certain death. These last megabinges shamed Mr. Zevon and angered some of his new friends. “I said the one thing this guy should not do is die a cliché,” says the writer Carl Hiaasen, who worried that Mr. Zevon’s two children would have to read about their father’s fatal drug overdose in a newspaper. But they didn’t. And he had three months to get acquainted with twin grandsons.
The Zevon legacy, which will be greatly bolstered by this intimate portrait despite the warts it reveals, also carries on in other ways. In his diary, Mr. Zevon reported meeting a yuppie family who called their dog Zevon. With classic Zevon acerbity, he told them, “I don’t think this is what grandfather had in mind.”
Posted by msb at 9:50 PM 2 comments
Posted by msb at 8:49 AM 4 comments
I'm really not sure how I can be unemployed and yet still be so busy. Moving is I suppose the big part of it and putting it all away. My new washing machine just arrived. Good thing cause I now have more laundry then I have laundry. Moving it has made it reproduce in quantum. and another Dr. Science question is how can I move from 800 square to 1400 square and have nowhere to put anything. Does anyone remember Dr. Science on NPR?
My dogs love their new digs...Literally. that Lu Mastive/Rottie. With paws bigger than my hands. Already with the black holes the size that a mastiff can disappear in. My bed from Ikea for me to disappear into came in three box's and one was the wrong thing. So I be sleeping on the floor for awhile. One of midnights ups and downs. The mattress is A-Okey so not all stinks at late night rendezvous in the bedroom.
Well its time to go sign so 401 c3 papers for a nonprofit I'm member of. All for the love of dogs and dog parks. Pictures to follow at 5 I'm certain.....
Posted by msb at 9:08 AM 0 comments
Posted by msb at 9:42 PM 0 comments
Kurt Vonnegut, Counterculture’s Novelist, Dies
By DINITIA SMITH
Published: April 12, 2007
Kurt Vonnegut, whose dark comic talent and urgent moral vision in novels like “Slaughterhouse-Five,” “Cat’s Cradle” and “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” caught the temper of his times and the imagination of a generation, died last night in Manhattan. He was 84 and had homes in Manhattan and in Sagaponack on Long Island.
His death was reported by his wife, the author and photographer Jill Krementz, who said he had been hospitalized after suffering irreversible brain injuries as a result of a fall several weeks ago.
Mr. Vonnegut wrote plays, essays and short fiction. But it was his novels that became classics of the American counterculture, making him a literary idol, particularly to students in the 1960s and ’70s. Dog-eared paperback copies of his books could be found in the back pockets of blue jeans and in dorm rooms on campuses throughout the United States.
Like Mark Twain, Mr. Vonnegut used humor to tackle the basic questions of human existence: Why are we in this world? Is there a presiding figure to make sense of all this, a god who in the end, despite making people suffer, wishes them well?
the rest of the story
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/books/12vonnegut.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=obituaries
Posted by msb at 11:28 AM 3 comments
Posted by msb at 11:30 AM 4 comments
Posted by msb at 10:45 AM 5 comments
Posted by msb at 10:59 AM 0 comments
Posted by msb at 11:36 AM 7 comments
Sounds like a loosing prospect all the way around. Went to small claims court last Wednesday and got the results of the case in the mail yesterday. Ziltch, Zippo, Nill. Oh well, I really saved a nice dogs life. Made a promise as he layed there close to death that I would do everything I could to make him well. So thats on me. And I always have to remember I usually get what I pay for. Next time I'll choose a vet that cares. Not the neuter clinic in a van where I have no relationship with the vet.
Went to my Hep-C support group last night and I was about Hep-C and Ayurveda. What great stuff. How to balance Pitta(fire) which is what happens when the liver goes south. Avoid the usual suspects; alcohol,cigarettes, drugs, chemicals, ect... but what was interesting was foods to avoid; Tofu, pickles, tomatoes... to much acidity heats up the already to firey liver. Tumeric, cardomon, celantro, mint, all cooling.
And I still am not sure if I'm on the liver transplant list. At my last Drs visit he said I was but then I was called for onr more blood test so they "would have the most current info to send to my insurance company. Geez if it isn't one thing its another. Well like my friend said on her blog, "Just like winter, when I'm feeling defeated or depressed, spring is usually right around the corner if I can just hang on."
http://www.twodogsbarking.blogspot.com/ check it out. recovery orientated based on 12 step programs.
and of course I nee to find a pic. Something else I am invoved in is getting a dogpark in our communitee and this is a picture of Pete getting sniffed up by one of the cute girls. Aren't dogs funny? Weelll maybe another post might be in order cause add image isn't working right now
until next time
Posted by msb at 8:51 AM 1 comments
Posted by msb at 9:45 AM 1 comments